Story of Infidelity & Divorce

Story of Infidelity & Divorce

Story of Infidelity and Divorce

An exceedingly common reason for divorce is spousal infidelity. Rarely is the case that infidelity is the root cause of marital problems. More often, infidelity seems to be a symptom of a marital conflict which has not been properly dealt with. Yet, infidelity and divorce are interconnected since infidelity, even if not the root cause of conflict, is at least a trigger which causes one spouse to initiate divorce. Considering the connection between infidelity and divorce, many people, during their consultation with a divorce lawyer ask whether and how the marital infidelity will impact their divorce. This blog uses the story of Infidelity and divorce of John and Hailey to illustrate the impact of infidelity on divorce, custody, child support, spousal support and division of assets and debts.

Infidelity and Divorce of John and Hailey

Hailey and John have been married for 15 years and have two children 10 and 9 years old. Right before the birth of their first child, John and Hailey purchased a house near Johns work in Orange County California. Hailey is a nurse by profession but has stayed home to raise the children since birth of the oldest one. John is a medical engineer who obtained his degree and job during marriage. John makes about $200,000 per year. Recently, Hailey finds out that John has been having an affair for the past 12 months. John has spent, using a credit card, $30,000  on fancy hotels and restaurants. John also took out a $40,000 loan. Hailey finds out John used the loan money to purchase a new car for his mistress. Most of the $30,000 was also used by John on his affair.  Hailey is devastated.  She scheduled a free consultation with a local divorce lawyer.

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Zoom Consultation with a local divorce lawyer

Hailey meets virtually with a local divorce lawyer for a free zoom consultation. The following is an excerpt of their discussion.

  Does my husband’s infidelity help my divorce case?

A»  No. California is a no-fault  divorce state. Your husband’s infidelity itself will not hurt or help you in obtaining custody, child support, spousal support or dividing the assets and debts. Thus, infidelity is not something that will be an issue in the courts.

 

Even though I am a nurse, I have not worked for years. My husband was the wage earner. I stayed home to raise the children. How do I survive financially after divorce?

You have been married for 15 years. During most of your marriage you stayed home and raised the children. Marriages longer than 10 years are usually considered long-term. This means you may get long-term spousal support. Additionally, since you have been the primary caretaker of the children, we can ask the court for primary physical custody. This means the children will spend more time with you which will allow you to request and receive child custody under California law. 

 

My husbands name is the only name on the title of the house. What happens to the house?

If the house was purchased during marriage, it is presumed to belong to the community. This means that the house should be divided 50/50 unless there is some sort of postnuptial or prenuptial agreement or that your husband purchased the house with his separate property. We will make sure you get that which you are entitled to under the law.

Q» How should we divide debts after divorce

A» The marital money he spent on his affair should be reimbursed to you. This includes the loan and the credit card debts. However, the reimbursement is only to the extent that he used marital money and resources on his affair. The other debts accrued during marriage should be 50/50 unless we make a different agreement. If necessary,  I can ask the court to award you a higher percentage of the house to make up for the money your husband spent on his affair. 

 

Q» Who stays in the house during divorce?

A» Depends on many factors. If there is no domestic violence issue, we can ask that your husband leave the house since you are the primary caretaker of the children.

 

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Divorcing a Narcissist

Divorcing a Narcissist

Divorcing a narcissist 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a set of behavioral patterns and thinking characterized by a need of for admiration, feeling of grandiosity and lack of empathy. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has a list of traits and criteria for mental health practitioners to determine whether a person has NPD. Sometimes, in divorce cases, one spouses is suffering from NPD. Divorcing a narcissist is difficult. Here, we will give you some tips on how to deal with a narcissist during and after divorce. We hope you find this information useful.

Who is A Narcissist 

Simply being arrogant or mean spirited is not the same as being a narcissist within the context of the NPD. Make sure you find out whether your ex is a narcissist. This may be a difficult thing to do if they are not willing to be diagnosed voluntarily. However, there may be legal tools in the family court (if you have children) to make a diagnosis possible. So, depending on your case, it may be a good idea to talk to and hire a divorce lawyer.

Hire a Divorce Lawyer 

If you are dealing with a narcissist it is a good idea to hire a divorce lawyer. A divorce lawyer can help you remain objective. A narcissist may abuse the court system as a forum to seek revenge. Hire a divorce lawyer to protect yourself from a narcissist ex.

Do Not Rationalize 

People often try to use logic to try to persuade a narcissist. This likely will be a futile waste of energy and time since the narcissist is unlikely to change behavior based on logic and common sense. Thus, recognize this reality and act accordingly.

Set Strict Boundaries 

To deal with a narcissist you should set boundaries. They way you can do that is not feel obligated to justify or explain yourself for every decision or action you take. When you feel that you are being manipulated standup for yourself or if necessary, leave the situation. Do not accept or answer questions that are unreasonably intrusive. In doing so, you can set boundaries so you don’t get pushed around by the narcissist in your life.

Limit Contact 

Limiting contact with a narcissist is extremely important. Obviously, for one reason or another, this narcissist must be a part of your life. It is important that you limit communication to matters pertaining divorce or co-parenting (if necessary). Otherwise, there is no reason for you to be in a consent communication with the narcissist that goes beyond the scope of that which is necessary. Thus, limit contact.

Document Communication 

A communication with narcissist should be documented. If you are required to talk on the phone, make sure you follow the applicable local and state laws if you are going to record the phone call. Otherwise, feel free to communicate via email or text message. Many courts require parents to use parenting apps for co-parenting. So, consider using a parenting app to document communication.

Conclusion 

Divorcing a narcissist is hard. Co-parenting with a narcissist can be harder. The tips above are not all inclusive. Consider implementing those that you find useful. Hopefully, with a thoughtful strategy you can deal with the narcissist in your life so you can live the happy life you deserve.

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Sabeti Law & Associates 

  • Family law attorneys in orange county 
  • Family law private mediation 

Tel: 949-326-2626

Fax: 949-899-8259

 

Address: 23832 Rockfield Blvd Ste # 175,

Lake Forest, Ca, 92630

Email: Contact@Sabetilaw.com 

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Questions to ask a divorce lawyer

Questions to ask a divorce lawyer

Questions to Ask a Divorce Lawyer 

Hiring a divorce lawyer is hard. It is hard because the divorce process is highly emotional. For most, divorce is a major life event. The law expects you to deal with the legal process of divorce, which is often very continuous and highly emotional, logically. So, it might be necessary to find a divorce lawyer as soon as possible if you are expecting a divorce. Many divorce lawyers offer free consultation while many do not. Regardless, a consultation with a divorce lawyer is an opportunity for you and the divorce lawyer to ask questions you have about the process. This blog will help you with coming up with a list of questions to ask a divorce lawyer during consultations.

Divorce Lawyer Communication Preference 

Ask your divorce lawyer about his or her preferred method of communication. Communication is important. The client makes some decisions. The divorce lawyer will need to make others. A good divorce lawyer must be able to explain to you the consequences of decisions. Whether it is via email, phone, text, or any combination of these, you should be comfortable with the method of communication. If you dislike communication by email or text, tell the lawyer. If you can better share your concerns and thoughts through email or text, then a question to ask a divorce lawyer is whether he or she can accommodate your preference. Lawyers are busy people. For some, talking over the phone is faster and clearer. Others may like to explain your case in writing. It is important that you and your divorce lawyer agree on how to communicate about your case. So, include this topic on your list of questions to ask a divorce lawyer.

Examples:

  1. What is your preferred method of communication?
  2. Can I text you or your office?
  3. Will I be able to contact you directly via phone?
  4. Can I contact you via email?
  5. How will you give me updates on my case?
  6. How often can I expect update or communication from you or your firm?

Questions to ask a divorce lawyer about attorney fees

An important set of questions to ask a divorce lawyer during a consultation concerns the fee structure of the lawyer or the firm. Most divorce lawyers charge an hourly fee. Client must pay an initial deposit. A divorce lawyer deducts the hourly fee from the initial fee. Once the deposit runs out, you may need to add more money. A divorce lawyer will charge between $250 to $600 per-hour, while a paralegal might charge $150 to $300 per-hour. A paralegal should do the basic legal work. Document preparation can be time consuming. It is unnecessary for a divorce lawyer to charge his fees in preparing documents; a paralegal can prepare that.  An associate attorney and not the senior partner should likely make a simple court appearance. When you meet for consultation, include fee structure questions in your list of questions to ask a divorce lawyer.

Example:

  1. How do you charge for your fees?
  2. What is your hourly fee?
  3. Do you do all the legal work?
  4. Do you have a paralegal to do the paperwork?
  5. What is your paralegals fee?
  6. Can lower level lawyers make the less important court appearances?

Ask the divorce lawyer for his or her initial thoughts

A good divorce lawyer must analyze the strength and weaknesses of your case. This is important because you (as a client) will need to make important decisions about how you want your case to move forward. A divorce lawyer can give you recommendations as to strategy. Yet, at the end, you are the ultimate decision maker. So, during a consultation, ask about the divorce lawyer about his or her initial thoughts on the strength and weaknesses of your case. Ask for his or her objective opinion. If a child custody is likely to be an issue, ask the divorce lawyer for his or her opinion. Most divorce lawyers will not give conclusive statements as to outcome. This is because divorce lawyers must make sure you are aware outcome of divorce cases are fact sensitive. Minor events can change outcomes. Yet, the divorce lawyer should be open to telling you the strengths and weaknesses of your case, guaranteeing no particular outcome.

Examples:

  1. What are your initial thoughts?
  2. What are the issues in my divorce?
  3. What are the strength and weaknesses of my case?

QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN A DIVORCE LAWYER WHEN THERE IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 

In a high conflict divorce, domestic violence can become an issue as the divorce goes through the family court. If there is a domestic violence order (whether permanent or temporary) against you, then ask the lawyer about the meaning of the court order and what you must do to follow it. Court orders have the force of the law, even though they are orders made by judges. It is important that you understand them and follow them. If you are a protected person and the other party is violating the domestic violence order, then ask the divorce lawyer how you can enforce the order. You may be able to get a personal conduct order, move-out order or other protective orders to keep you safe and free from harassment, threats, or disruption of your peace.

Examples

  1. Is there a court order that limits what I can or cannot do?
  2. What does the court order mean?
  3. How can I follow the court order?
  4. Can I contact my child?
  5. I do not feel safe, what can I do to protect myself and my child?
  6. Can I get a restraining order or a move-out order?

QUESTIONS TO ASK A DIVORCE LAWYER WHEN CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED

Divorce is difficult when you have children. When you live with your children, you see them frequently.  Divorce changes things. A parent accustomed to freely spending time with his or her child is now obligated to follow a custody or visitation schedule. Courts like to give both parents the ability to have continuous and frequent contact with their child. Both parents may make important decisions for the child if the court orders joint legal custody. Primary physical custody may be given to one parent. Yet, a noncustodial parent will probably have reasonable parenting time. In child custody cases, patience is a virtue. Custody issues are highly emotional and contested in family court.  Include your child custody questions on the list of questions to ask a divorce lawyer during your initial meeting.

Examples:

  1. What is primary physical custody?
  2. What is legal physical custody?
  3. How does the court determine who gets custody?
  4. How often can I see my child?
  5. How often can I get visitation?
  6. What if I want to change custody later when I settle down after the divorce?
  7. My child does not want to spend time with me because of the divorce, what can I do?

QUESTIONS TO ASK A DIVORCE LAWYER ABOUT CHILD SUPPORT?

Child support questions should be among the list of important questions to ask a divorce lawyer during your initial meeting. Child support is a duty owed to the child by both parents. In California, each parent must contribute to supporting the child. The law presumes the custodial parent is supporting the child financially. Thus, the noncustodial parent will often have to pay the custodial parent his or her portion of support. Failure to pay child support in violation of a court order can be a criminal offense. Child support is modifiable. If not paid, unless changed, an enforcement action is often the legal remedy. When meeting with a divorce lawyer ask your child support obligations.

 

Examples

  1. Explain how child support works?
  2. Do I have an obligation to pay child support?
  3. How can I establish child support?
  4. How can I change child support amount?

Conclusion

In short, hiring a divorce lawyer is complicated. Hopefully by going over questions to ask your divorce lawyer, the process becomes easier.

Related Readings

Sabeti Law & Associates 

  • Family law attorneys in orange county 
  • Family law private mediation 

Tel: 949-326-2626

Fax: 949-899-8259

 

Address: 23832 Rockfield Blvd Ste # 175,

Lake Forest, Ca, 92630

Email: Contact@Sabetilaw.com 

Monday - Thursday
9:00 am - 5:00 pm
Frirday
10:00 am to 2:00 pm
Saturday- Sunday
Closed